Why I’m Dreading Mother’s Day

Please join us today as a dear widow sister, Becky McCoy, shares her Mother’s Day struggles and navigates the tough firsts of year one.

So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 NLT

My husband passed away four months ago, so I’m still very much in the season of “firsts”. His first birthday without him here. The birth of my daughter. Our first family road trip without the fearless leader. Our first playground afternoons of the year and starting a new family devotional. The first bedtime without my husband was the worst. It was our habit to do bedtime for our toddler as a family; a guaranteed time to be all together even with my husband’s long hours at work.

And now I’m anticipating my first Mother’s Day and it’s, by far, the thing I’ve dreaded most so far.

It’s a day to celebrate moms, but, at least for me, being a mom was tandem to being a wife. I served my husband and loved him through how I cared for our son and was preparing to care for our daughter. I love my children so deeply because of my husband (they wouldn’t be here without him!).

I realized that I would not be able to celebrate my role as mother in any conventional sense, since seeing families out together would be too painful. Upon confessing my fears to a friend, she said she didn’t want to spend the day with her toddler anyways and several other friends agreed that they wanted to celebrate with some time away from the kids.

So, on the evening of Mother’s Day, you won’t find me shopping for garden plants, going to brunch, or doing any other typical Mother’s Day activities, but instead, I’ll be donning whatever cute outfit I can find to make my postpartum body feel beautiful and celebrating with friends by making new memories. I am thankful for the chance to mother my children, but this year I am most thankful for the women who have held me up through this journey and know the importance of having fun together!

God, thank you for the women who continue to journey with me on this path of learning to celebrate life without my husband to celebrate with. Thank you for my children and for the time my husband and I had to parent together. Help me to be authentic in my grief with the friends you have placed in my path and to be open to the new memories you have planned for us to make together.  Amen.

 

becky picBecky McCoy is a recent widow and stay at home mom of a rambunctious, aspiring 2 year old comedian and a constant babbling and smiling 3 month old. She once enjoyed teaching high school physics and now choreographs for a local ballet school and captures people’s stories through photography. Having struggled with depression and anxiety and experienced several seasons of grief and struggle, Becky loves to blog about authenticity and adventure and humor in life.
To find out more about us or reach out to Becky please email us at admin@anewseason.net

 

 

2 replies
  1. janet
    janet says:

    Becky,
    I am so very sorry for your loss. Thanks for opening your heart up and sharing. Treasure the special memories you have. They won’t take the place of your dear husband but they will always be a reminder of the love you shared. That love will never die. It will continue to bring fruit in those precious little ones. Praying for you as journey on this path none of us would ever choose. You are never alone. Praying for you!
    May the Lord keep you and your little ones tucked safely under His wings……

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