kit hinkle a widows might my grief journey god in my grief

Be Aware of the Self Pity Pit

by:   Guest Blogger – Angela Key

I waited patiently for the Lord; and he inclined unto me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my goings. And He hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God; many will see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.  Psalm 40:1-3  KJV

In this season of widowhood, isn’t it easy to get close to that pit of self pity?  Close enough that you cannot see the never ending bottom? I can sure tell you I have.  That pit calls my name on a daily basis. As it draws me closer to that slippery edge, my mind will play back memories of my life with my husband Kirk and I long to see him and hear his voice again.  Then the voice will focus my attention to friends and family whose lives have moved on since June 2011 and highlight their successes and happier existence.  As I watch the reel of their lives, I see my pain and despair shine through in the background.  It’s so agonizing to hear happy stories about lives being torn apart and put back together and still I sit broken and alone.  Some days I feel so helpless raising my 13 year old daughter by myself, knowing her childhood was interrupted by the sudden passing of her daddy.

Oh there are days sisters that I want to dive in head first into that pit and never come back up to the light!!!  Wouldn’t Satan just love for me and you to just give in and do that?

As I look over that edge and go over my options in my mind, I hear another voice speak so sweetly to me.  This beautiful voice warns me about that slippery slope and reminds me of His great love for me.  He shows me memories of my beautiful daughter and the incredible memories Kirk left us to treasure.  He then reminds me of His great love for me and my daughter and whispers that He will be with us ALWAYS and His promise to never leave us!!  As I hear this, I begin to smile and hope fills my heart and soul!!!  I know Jesus is with us and fighting for us every day!!!  That’s how I view this season, it’s an endurance race.  And what better cheerleader and coach to have than our Savior, Jesus Christ!!!

As hope starts to bubble in my soul, that pit disappears and becomes silent!!  In Sarah Young’s daily devotional “Jesus Calling” she writes, “Be on guard against the pit of self-pity.  When you are weary or unwell, this demonic trap is the greatest danger you face.”  I believe that statement with all my heart!!  I don’t want to live or even be near the edge of that pit.  It is a slippery edge and it’s so easy to loose my footing and fall in!!

Jesus, thank you so much for sweetly whispering in my ear and guard me from falling into a pit of anger, despair, jealousy, and self loathing.  It’s so easy Lord to fall into that pit, but just knowing that YOU are there to keep us safe from its edges or if we do happen to fall in, knowing YOU are there to offer me your hand and pull me out is incredible!!!  Sometimes Lord I do stumble and find myself starting to go down into the that black pit. Lord you have saved me from the bottom so many times!!  Please Lord I ask that you keep all of us from the edge so we won’t have the temptation to dive in!!  Just trusting in You and knowing that You will be there ALWAYS are the sweetest words ever whispered to me!!!  In Your Holy Name Amen!!

2 replies
  1. Angela
    Angela says:

    Debbie
    I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. I know this new chapter of your life is very hard I lost my husband in June 2011. Keep praying and stay close to Jesus and He will help and heal you and see you through this storm that you are encountering. I always keep my eyes and thoughts on Him and when I feel like I’m drifting away, I just whisper His name and I instantly feel better. Keep praying and take care of yourself!!! God Bless you Debbie!!!

  2. Debby Herman
    Debby Herman says:

    My husband passed away just three months ago, in June 2014. These feelings are all new for me. Thank you for the encouraging words and thank you Jesus for never leaving me.

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