kit hinkle elizabeth dyer a new season a widows might widowhood support

A Reader Writes…

Recently we had a lovely reader write us after reading one of our articles. She had such a transparent heart, we asked if we could share an excerpt from her letter and some of our response. You may find yourself in some of the thoughts she is sharing. We post this here as a reminder, you are not alone in your feelings! Do you have a question you would like to ask? Email us at admin@anewseason.net

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Reading today’s message was  a step in healing! I know I have to let go. My hurt, disappointment, and anger at people and family who have let me down… It hurts so deeply, on top of your widowhood, to be excluded because they are uncomfortable! … But I need to have family and friends. I have already had my biggest loss imaginable! I am growing weary and more lonely. Widowhood is trying enough. Scripture speaks of God being my husband now but He doesn’t physically eat with me, sleep beside me, hold me in His arms, go out with me, give me physical hugs, talk to me verbally, fix broken stuff, take the car to the garage, take out the garbage! …  So when there is no one to love me, how does God help me? I just have to believe it. But it is so abstract! … I need to feel God in a solid, real way! It feels superficial. I thought God would show up concrete, in my friends to comfort me in the darkest night of my soul. I need God in a realistic way. I do lots of volunteering, and reach out to others hurting, go to a small group, counselling, and support group . But I feel like I’m chasing the wind.

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Thank you so much for writing out your thoughts in such a way, and sharing them with us.  Many of us have had similar thoughts go through our heads — we need a “husband” who takes out the trash and protects us in storms. I can relate to that! Unfortunately, it seems to be “normal” in many widows’ lives.

I personally struggle with wanting God to respond the way I want Him to respond in my timing.  I find it helpful to read the Psalms.  The authors let God know how frustrated they are.  How unjust the world is. How wicked people succeed. But it seems the Psalmists always come back to what is true about God. That is where I have to land every time.  I have to cling to truth, not feeling.  I love my feelings and want to grasp them with all my might… That right there is my hardest struggle.  My feelings get hurt, my feelings are not validated by others, my feelings say that I must not be loved.  But God loves me so much He allowed His only Son to suffer, bleed, and die a horrible death FOR ME. For you.  That is the truth.
If He does nothing else for me, that is more than I deserve right there.
Grace.
Eternal life…
I love it when I find little nuggets in Scripture.  The story of Anna in Luke 2 amazes me.  She was an old widow and had only been married for seven years. Now at eighty-four, she was known for her devotion to prayer and worship.  That right there is what I want to be known for…
If she got married as a teen, like it may have been back then, then she lived maybe sixty years completely focused on worship and prayer.  I have a long way to go in order to be known for that, for sure.  She wasn’t known for anything else.  That puts my life in perspective.  All this other stuff is like icing on the cake.  The most important stuff is right there.
So how do we live this journey with grace? I think we do it like Anna.  It sounds so simple but I know it isn’t. We expect so much out of Christians, don’t we? We honestly believe they will want to support us but they fail us. We honestly want to believe God will take care of us, but bad things keep coming our way. So all I can do is keep trusting God when everything around makes no sense.
Thanks for putting your thoughts into words. Have you seen our devotionals for sale on our website?  It is one way we find to put our thoughts on Scripture as we go through our days.
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If you want to read more on the widow Anna from Luke 2, click here.
More on friendships? Kit has written some great articles here and here and here.

10 replies
  1. Dianne Zomer
    Dianne Zomer says:

    When I read the article, my biggest loss imaginable, I thought ” I can really relate to this article . ” . As I read on , it struck me why!!!!! I realized it was an article I sent in!!!!! That was so encouraging to me that you used that post. I have been feeling down on myself, and this was a concrete sign to me . Thankyou!!!!!!!!

    • Elizabeth Dyer
      Elizabeth Dyer says:

      That must have been a little bit of a shock! So glad it encouraged you! You just need to go read the comments on facebook if you can, too. You blessed a LOT of widows today, sister. Praise God! We comfort others with the comfort we receive from Scripture. That is our point here. So happy that you let us know this. ~Elizabeth

  2. Yolanda Mordue
    Yolanda Mordue says:

    Thank you so much for sharing. I struggled thru my first year, I cried, and hated the empty space where my husband should be. My bed, my dinner table, next to me at church. I thought it unfair of God to show me a beautiful love and then have it leave me… none of it made sense. I just pushed thru it.. That is how I made it thru my first year. like a bulldozer pushing forward, ‘just getting thru it’!! The second year has been different. As I am not pushing thru as much. I am settling… Not settling like this is my lot.. but settling with the knowledge that I have suffered a huge loss. It is wierd but suffering thru it, is not the same as accepting it. That was my turning point. Now that does not mean it makes any more sense now.. but there is a whole lot in this world that does not make sense to me, but accepting that it won’t make sense here on earth, helps me. I also realize we all have our own journey, and how we make it thru is different. I still have moments of tears and loneliness, but I also now have moments of Joy, and laughter… Never forgetting my loving husband… but chosing to accept my life how it is now, and to the other things God has in store for me in the future. I find solice that I am not alone in this journey. God is with me, and this large sisterhood of widows, has been a huge help!!

    • Elizabeth Dyer
      Elizabeth Dyer says:

      Thank you so very much for your comment. You worded it so clearly that it will help many other widows just starting out. I totally agree that sometimes we just have to accept that some things just won’t make sense here on earth. That is helpful. You are a beautiful soul. Thanks for your comment. ~Elizabeth

  3. Jennifer Dunham
    Jennifer Dunham says:

    Hi,
    I too was disappointed in the reaction of friends & some family over the first few months. But more distant friends became close friends…very dear friends. A widow’s Group who does lunch on Mondays & Pizza on Fridays, friends of friends who gave me an open invitation to their Sunday Night Pot Luck Dinners. A Widow friend who became a closer friend. A man who wa sent to strengthen me who turned out to be not THE man. All these were blessings. My children who’s love for me has blown my mind! I found God in a Community Choir that practices in a local Church…I chose Baptism in that Church as my Choir surrounded me with tears in their eyes as tears poured down my cheeks. My first eight months of Widowhood have been a trial yes! But they have also been an immense Blessing as I start my new life all the way across the Country, closer to my kids.

    • Elizabeth Dyer
      Elizabeth Dyer says:

      I remember reading about your baptism! We were so happy to hear about it and your involvement in your local church and choir. We also love to hear about the healing taking place along your widow journey. It is so exciting to hear about all your growth. I feel like I want to jump up and down in a happy dance when I read about our widow readers finding new friends. Thanks for encouraging us today with your words!. ~Elizabeth

  4. Valerie Solano
    Valerie Solano says:

    I am feeling more and more like I don’t want to go on. Just like your reader writes, I am finding the more people I meet…the more I engage…the more I get out of the house, the lonelier I am when I come home. If it wasn’t for these two dogs I have, I probably would have tried to leave this world already. I even try not thinking of them as mine anymore in hopes that I can guiltlessly leave them behind. God does not show up in others unless I am out there among them. What about when I am home all alone? I wish I had never lived, never gotten married: being single was never as lonely as now, having been married and having to go on living alone. The memories don’t help, not even the good ones, they are just a painful reminder I am alone again.

    • Elizabeth Dyer
      Elizabeth Dyer says:

      Oh, sister. I can hear the pain in your words. I am so so sorry. I have heard that sentiment about “better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” and I almost don’t believe it! Like you, I have thought it might have been easier to never have been married. But, alas, I cannot change the past. I was married and I did love. So now what? What do we do when we are so disappointed in others? I have struggled with this too. And like I said in the article, I have to cling to truth. I love to cling instead to my disappointments and my emotions. But emotions are not strong enough to lead us appropriately. At least mine often get me in trouble. I have to choose truth–the truth God says about me. It sounds easy but it isn’t. I know that for sure. What truth do I cling to? I like Ephesians chapter 1 – the Apostle Paul gives us a list of truth about us. Start there. Just one chapter. Read it through daily for several weeks. write verses on little post-its around the house and maybe on the door before you walk in so you can read it before entering. That’s one way I pour Truth into my soul. Another is to have praise music playing continually in the house. Continually. I have to force my mind to praise in the storms. I do. It is so hard to lose someone we loved. It feels like an amputation. But please don’t give up. Shout at Satan, the accuser, and give him the Truth of God’s Word. Please look around on the website for other articles. Teri writes about coming home to an empty house and how she deals with it. Karen and Linda have written about having an empty home also. If any of these articles helps, let us know. We want to assist you in your journey to healing. Prayers for you today, ~Elizabeth

  5. FlowerLady Lorraine
    FlowerLady Lorraine says:

    This was great! I totally relate to those feelings expressed, and I am encouraged by the response in this post.

    Like you said, All we can do is keep trusting in God when everything around us makes no sense.

    Thank you ~ FlowerLady

    • Elizabeth Dyer
      Elizabeth Dyer says:

      Yes ma’am, FlowerLady. That’s what I have to do! We look forward to your comments. You always are so encouraging. Love~Elizabeth

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