“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Matthew 27:46 (NIV)
My kids’ favorite word as toddlers was why. Their curious little minds were like sponges, and they eagerly wanted to know the answers to everything. There were times I was so worn by their why’s I’d count down the minutes until my husband would arrive home from work, so the “why monsters” would turn to him instead.
After my husband died by suicide, I overheard lots of questions from those around me, and I had a great deal of my own deep questions, many centered on my own “why monsters.”
I knew God could’ve chosen to change the circumstances of that horrible day, and the days leading up to it. He can do anything! But He didn’t, that was hard to accept.
So the questions before God went something like this: Why not protect my husband or us from this hurt and suffering? Why not use this as a powerful testimony in keeping Scott here? Why allow such a horrific thing to occur?
I can only assume He probably grew as weary as I used to of my kids. But, I wasn’t challenging God’s authority or denying His power, I was seeking His divine answers and plans for us. I wanted to know why, so I could know how. Because my why questions were followed with how questions such as: How do I move forward? How do I get my children through this? How do I do all that lies ahead without my husband?
I meditated on God’s Word because I thought I would find the elaborate answers we all sought. But, the bottom line is that no one, not one, is above pain and suffering, even God himself. He sent His Son who took on sin at the Cross and suffered a most unimaginably painful death to pay the price for us. If God allowed His own Son to suffer for THE greatest purpose, then in this broken world He’s going to allow me to as well.
In fact as a believer God’s word is clear that at times I will suffer in one way or another. (I Peter 2:21)
From the time sin entered the world, until Christ comes again, it’s a part of this life. Yet, I can rest assured that my suffering has purpose and is never wasted, even if I really don’t like or understand it.
He didn’t reveal specific answers to my questions, but He reminded me of His promises and encouraged me to trust His plan and His provision for me.
The questions many others and I had were normal. They stemmed from hurt, fear, even anger, and a lack of understanding. In the Bible there are several who cry out to God during their trials, asking the inevitable questions, because the burdens are great and the flesh is weak: The Psalmists ask why, Job asks why, even Jesus at the cross cries out to God the Father as He paid the price for us all, “Why have you forsaken me?”
I realize God may or may not reveal the answers to the questions I have on this side of heaven, but when I need to I ask. I humbly go before the cross and cry out to God, recognizing His divine authority and accepting His greater purpose and plans for me, choosing to TRUST Him with everything.
Heavenly Father, this world is so hard and our trials can be so tough. We come before You with our questions, not out of a place of an arrogant, hard heart but out of a place of humble love and brokenness before You. Father we ask that You continue to reveal your divine plans to us, that You go before us continuing to bring all glory to You. Lord, help us to accept what we don’t understand, help us to choose to trust You throughout this journey. Reveal Yourself to us in ways we could never imagine. Help us to seek You and Your answers whenever we are weak and hurting. In Your Matchless Name, Amen
Erika Graham is Vice President, and an author and speaker for aNew Season/A Widow’s Might Ministries. She resides in New Jersey with her daughter, twin boys, and her little fluffy puppy. She loves summers at the beach and all things chocolate. She lost her husband to suicide in June 2010. Erika has been called to share the victory she’s experiencing through Christ Jesus over the life God has ordained for her.
If you are interested in having Erika or any of our writing team speak, please contact us via email at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
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