and said to him, “Go, wash in the pool of Siloam” ….So he went and washed and came back seeing.
John 9:7 (ESV)
I wanted to stay home and cry.
I had done it a few times within the first month of losing Tom. And that morning I wanted to do it again–stay home and drown in my tears rather than meet the reality of my normal routine.
I wept and prayed to get the courage up to go to the places where I was expected. And for a while, it seemed my tears were to no avail–the weakness and pain stubbornly clung to me, keeping me paralyzed. I cried aloud to Him.
After enough tears, a transformation took place–a sort of surrender to God. I noticed even my voice changed when the surrender took place–from helpless despair to strength. I was no longer going to claim my right to stay by myself and have my crying spell.
What prompted the change was that I knew right then I no longer had to stay home. I could function in my normal routine.
And not only could I function, but taking action–getting into my routine made me feel better.
Many times in Jesus’s ministry the Gospel writers describe an action Jesus asked the infirmed to do just before the healing took place. I wrote in an article titled Pick Up Your Mat that He instructed a paralytic to pick up his mat and walk.
In John Chapter 9, Jesus healed a blind man by smearing a mud paste He created from His own saliva onto the man’s eyes. Then Jesus asked him to go to the pool and wash the mud off. The blind man had to take steps in order to see the results of healing.
What a powerful moment. I thought to myself, aren’t I like that blind man? I had withdrawn from my world to focus on my pain and hurt. We all need to do that occasionally, but when that occasional withdrawal turns into a pattern, your world becomes smaller as your interactions with the outside world become strained.
Sometimes having a smaller world feels better for a moment. But smaller wouldn’t be better in the long run. I needed my routine and my friends. It was time to enjoy life again.
Staying in a closed-in world would leave me struggling with feelings. My heart would wander to past pains not even relevant to today’s pain–a past heartache or family situation. And like a million times before, drumming up the pain from the past didn’t solve the loneliness of today. It didn’t close the wound, and I had enough of thinking about it. I just wanted it healed.
In His infinite wisdom, God tells us to focus on His healing. Go wash in the pool. Once you decide to accept God’s healing, act on it. Go out in the world and participate!
Once I took action I did something I never thought I could do again. Laugh. I still run a range of emotions as all widows do, but for that day and for that moment, my tears had been washed away.
Would You place the healing Grace of Your Son Jesus Christ on the precious widow reading this devotion today? Help her step out today, trusting that You are healing her of her sorrow. Amen
Kit Hinkle is an author and speaker. She was an original writer of A Widow’s Might in 2008, and after four years with that ministry, expanded it and founded A New Season Ministries, Inc. Once the ministry became established, she turned the leadership over, yet continues to contribute articles while she focuses on her finest career as a home school mother to four teen boys–one of them launched in college. She has lived through corporate careers as a chemical engineer and a management consultant, but now enjoys walks on the beach with her chocolate lab. She loves to sit with another who is walking through her tough road and show that woman Christ. It’s an honor to participate in His kingdom.
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