The Last Page?

All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalms 139:16 NIV

There it was, the last page. I knew that page was coming, and I dreaded it. I did not want to let go of this trusted journal. It was a gift from my journal onebeloved and held so many treasures. There were entries recording happy times of family holidays and birthdays. There were tear-stained pages as well, recording my beloved’s illness and passing.  Now it sat before me, open to the last blank page, waiting for words.

This is what I wrote:

The last words here in this journal he gave me. Tomorrow, the second anniversary of his home going, I will start another. I will treasure this one, because he gave it to me. It holds so much of my past. Yet, there is a new one waiting. It has blank pages, standing ready to take words – words that will document my life – all of the next chapters to come. For it is indeed true, God, You have a plan. All my days are recorded in Your book. There will be tear-stained pages in the new journal as well. However, there will also be tales of joy and Your provision and care. It will continue to be a record of my life serving You my God, Whom I love above all.

I do not believe it was a coincidence that this last entry was to happen on the eve of the two year anniversary.  Since God Himself has written my book, I believe He planned it that way – because He wanted me to understand the truth of Psalm 139:16.

My beloved’s book was completed in the early morning hours of a day two years ago. When he breathed his last, and the cover was closed, Jesus stood ready to usher him into his eternal home. My husband’s earthly story is completed and now his eternal one is in place.

My book is not done. I have not yet reached the last page. There is more life for me to live – a life standing ready – waiting for the pages to be filled. Yes, it will be a different life – one I am to live without my beloved by my side. I know there will be tears and loneliness. I am still searching for direction and purpose. But, I do k.n.o.w. this – my life’s story is authored by God Himself – written by His own hand before I was even formed in my mother’s womb. And I ask this – Isn’t a life’s story written by God’s hand worth living?

As I look ahead to the uncertain future, I say “yes” – yes to You God – this life is worth living. There are promises You have given me in another book – Your Word. You promise me in Jeremiah 29:11 that You have a plan and a purpose for hope; and in Psalm 138:8 that You will fulfill Your word journalpurpose for me.

Dear sisters, there is life left for you to live as well. Will you trust Him this day? I pray you will. Give Him all the as yet un-filled pages and watch what He does – marvel at the words He will inscribe on those pages. And when we each reach our own last pages, let us hear Him say – “That was a good story – now look at what I have written for you in eternity with Me!

 

24 replies
  1. Kim Collings
    Kim Collings says:

    Dear Linda,
    The date of your original post caught my eye as that is the date my husband died. I am trying so hard to hold onto God and the Holy Spirit as my comforter but I can’t find consolation. I am not mad at God, but I am numb, an empty shell. Contemplating 25+ more years of feeling like this . . . dear God, I can’t make it.

    I have been trying to find solace in the Word so will try to use your resources.

    I feel so alone. Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulders.

    • Linda
      Linda says:

      My dear sister Kim our shoulders are here for you to cry upon whenever you need us. Please know that this pain and numbness that you feel will eventually pass. It is however a very real part of the grief journey that we all endure. None of us can do “this” alone – but we can with Christ at our side – sustaining us and walking along side us in our sorrow. I have come to realize that when I don’t feel strong enough to hold onto God it is then that He holds on to me – and He will continue to hold on to you as well dear one. Blessings to you dear sister and please know you are in our prayers. We are here for you always.

  2. Melba
    Melba says:

    Thank you for your words of encouragement. I do so want to be hopeful,but Inam struggling. I know I have been blessed. I was married to the love of my life for almost 44 years, he has moved on to be with our Lord 9 months ago and it just does not seem to get any easier. I feel like I have a strong faith and I want to move beyond this horrible mourning. I cannot do anything we did together or go anywhere we went together . I wonder if I am not progressing through my journey. I don’t want to get stuck in Me. I stay busy and am blessed to have two wonderful daughters and four loving grandchildren. Most people would say ,and do,that they think I am doing great. I pray for purpose and direction also. I pray that for each of you as well. It does help to know others feel this deep pain and that many have moved beyond it . I so want to remember my husband without hurting so much. I am anxious for the next pages to be written by my Lord. God bless.

    • Linda
      Linda says:

      Dear Melba thank you for your prayers – we all need them during this time. As you continue to cling to our Lord you will find healing and comfort. It is a most difficult journey and one that takes a different amount of time for each of us. Continue to seek God and take care of yourself. There is a future and a hope for you as He promises in Jeremiah 29:11. I am thankful that our site is giving you encouragement and hope – please stay connected with us – we are always here for you dear sister.

  3. Anna Reeves
    Anna Reeves says:

    Thanks for your words. They have blessed me today. Just found this blog and will be referring to it daily, Feels good to know that there are others who are where I am and understand what I am going through. It can feel so lonely.

  4. Halima Oyelade
    Halima Oyelade says:

    Dear Linda,
    Thank you so much for sharing. The truth contained in what you shared is so true and I have been blessed and encouraged. A beautiful reminder that my book is not done yet and God is the author. The last few days have been so difficult as I face an uncertain future and more life changing decisions. I weep even as i write and reflect on what you shared. You have stirred my heart to be hopeful knowing God is working things out for my good.
    Thank You

    • Linda
      Linda says:

      Dearest Halima you have my prayers as you move into your future. Yes, we have hope – because we know that our loving Father has carefully scripted our future pages.

  5. Pam
    Pam says:

    Dear Linda,
    What strong faith and wonderful insight you have. The sadness and grief of your loss are more than tempered by your trust in God and your unwavering belief that your life is not yet finished. I am sure it is not, and I think the way you live the rest of your life will be an inspiration to many people.

  6. Louisa Hill
    Louisa Hill says:

    Thank you, Linda. What a beautiful expression of your journey. Your insight and encouraging words help to strengthen me on my journey. As I search for purpose and new direction, it’s so good to remember that God is still writing my story, and He has the final word.

    Love and blessings,
    Louisa

  7. Ferree Hardy
    Ferree Hardy says:

    Dear Linda, God’s timing is so perfect, thank you for showing this timing, which I know is one of many times for you. I appreciate how you care enough to share these experiences so we can all benefit. I love how you’ll be starting a new journal, but for God it’s the next chapter of the wonderful story of you. Talking about what God has done, and the good work He plans to complete in us reminds me of Malachi 3:16; it’s a holy and sacred thing to talk with each other and to know the Lord listens and hears as we write our books (or ‘scrolls’) of remembrance.

  8. Elaine
    Elaine says:

    You continue to amaze me sweet friend. Continue on His path so He may continue to direct you to help others on this journey. So very honored to be your friend.

    • Linda
      Linda says:

      High praise from the one who came alongside and helped me find my wings – and my “words”. Blessings to you dear sister – I am honored as well!

  9. Nancy
    Nancy says:

    Simply beautiful, Linda. I often think of my life in much the same manner. My late husband’s was a story filled with all the love, fun, laughter, and making-the-world-a-better-place he could cram into every day (each page) God gave him. He inspires me daily to try to do the same.

    One of my favorite secular songs is by the group Bon Jovi (yes, it shows my age!), called “Story of My Life”….and in it they sing “This is the story of my life, and I write it every day, and I hope you’re beside me when I write the last page.”

    I was beside my husband whenever the last page was written.

    Your call for each widow to continue their story is lovely. Thank you for sharing from your heart!

    • Linda
      Linda says:

      Thank you Nancy! Love that song by Bon Jovi as well! I am thankful to be on this journey with you as we continue to forge ahead into our “blank pages”.

  10. Betty
    Betty says:

    Dear Linda,
    Blessings of hope and comfort are being offered for you as you come upon that 2 year “mile marker” on “Grief Road”
    This message was meant for me, for you see tomorrow will be my birthday, a day that feels more alone than most. As I cried to God last night, I found myself saying to Him,” Lord I don’t want June 25th to even be in existence, because then I wouldn’t have to be in existence either” I am not suicidal, just tired and worn from the pain. So your message was much needed and appreciated.

    THANK YOU!!!!!

    • Linda
      Linda says:

      Dearest Betty – It is I who am thanking you. It is always such a blessing to know the words I share have given hope and encouragement. This is indeed a difficult journey. I understand the feelings of being tired and weary from the journey – as I was having those same feelings when I wrote in my journal that night. Tomorrow I will rejoice with you to celebrate your birth – for there are many pages yet to be filled dear sister – God is faithful and the wait will be worth it!

  11. Roxanne Ehrke
    Roxanne Ehrke says:

    1 1/2 years: my prayer is also for direction and purpose. I was one of those fortunate women to be blessed with 35 years of a solid, very blessed marriage. I am good at waiting but also impatient for the horrible loneliness to abate, just a little bit! Not yet!

    • Linda
      Linda says:

      Roxanne – the loneliness is daunting at times isn’t it – I understand. We are waiting together with all of our sisters. We know that we have hope and a future and are blessed to be able to support each other on this journey.

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