“What is it like, Sherry?”
Have you been asked this question about your widowhood? I am at the point on this road that people feel more comfortable asking me.
What is it like to lose your husband, friend, soulmate? I have given a lot of thought to this, and the best description I can give that others can understand follows:
Think about when you plan and take the vacation of a lifetime — sometimes it turns out better than you expected. You plan for it, save money, buy tickets, purchase special clothing, pack.
When you arrive at your destination, you begin to experience wonderful things. You take pictures, drinking in the experience. No matter how long your vacation is, you have to return home eventually. You pull out your suitcase to start packing the clothes and souvenirs you know you won’t need for the rest of the trip. Finally you pack everything away for the trip home.
There you unpack once more. As you pull out the clothes, some go in a pile for laundry and others go straight into your closet, unworn. You find a place for your souvenirs. Your pictures are printed. Seeing the photos allows wonderful memories to flood through you. This unpacking brings both good and not-so-good memories and feelings with it. You often long to return to your vacation, but must stay in your day-to-day world, perhaps saving money for your next vacation.
Grieving the loss of my husband has been like what I described above. We had a wonderful life – full of memories. With his death, I had to start packing away parts of that life. It’s a slow process, because I have kept my “suitcase” on the floor of my bedroom, unlatched– I couldn’t bear to finish unpacking. Once you totally unpack, the vacation is really over. I still go to the “suitcase” to take out the souvenirs, handling them carefully, letting them flood my heart with memories. Wonderful memories.
Each time I unpack and pack this virtual “suitcase”, the sharp pain of my loss lessens. It doesn’t hurt as much each time I ponder our life together. There are memories that I would say should go in the laundry pile – hospital visions, bandages, tears. Then there are the memories that remind me of the breath-taking life we had – his smile, our laughter, shared meals, snuggling. My heart has a tug of pain when I think of these things, but then it swells with happiness at having been the recipient of such a wonderful love, even if it ended too soon.
As I prepare to commemorate the sixth year since his death, I look back on our wonderful life and do not feel the sharp pain I once felt. I thank God that He allowed me such a sweet time with my husband and that my memories of that time are still fresh. I ponder them in my heart, like Mary, the mother of Jesus.
But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart. Luke 2:19 KJV
I encourage you to go to your “suitcase” and allow yourself to experience the wonderful memories of a life well-lived. Ponder these memories in your heart, and let the pain be replaced by the sweetness of a wonderful time remembered.
Dear Lord, Thank You for the gift of love and for the wonderful memories we hold in our hearts of time spent with loved ones. Amen
Sherry Rickard is a writer/speaker with A Widow’s Might/aNew Season Ministries, Inc. Sherry lives in the Washington DC area of Virginia. She works in the professional community management industry and is active in her local church. She has one daughter who is 20 years old and is in her second year of college. She also has a dog, Sophie, and a cat, Brandon. Sherry lost her husband on February 14, 2011 to cancer after a bone marrow transplant did not engraft. God has called her to this ministry to share the Hope that only comes from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It is Sherry’s hope that Christ can shine through her and that Christ can minister to those who have a similar journey. She is still here, so God has a wonderful purpose to fulfill with her life.
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A great article about healing is here by Linda.