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Moving Forward

I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:14 ESV

Why is moving forward challenging, at best?

In all honesty, it has been a painfully difficult, yet entirely God-filled, couple of weeks for me. I am three and a half years out from my beloved’s going home date. Nonetheless, I was struck by a grief wave that knocked me to my face and threatened to drown me in shallow waters, as I was moving forward.

For me, it began to become more and more trying, to come home to an empty house and silence. At first, I longed to stay in our home, with our things and our memories, the more time went by, the harder it became. I tried many ways to break the silence: leaving Christian music on each time I left my home; having  God’s Word open, in various rooms, to my favorite scriptures; and making sure I framed my mind for coming home to “empty” each evening, by walking in with God before me. Yet, it began to tug at my spirit….it was time to let go of our home and move forward.

I put my house on the market believing it would sell quickly and allow me to become debt free. After, eight months on the market and two realtors, it finally sold, with a total of less than two-hundred dollars profit. As we all know, things do not always go as planned. Yet, I had prayed through, time-and-time again, and I knew it was what God was asking me to do. He is an on-time God, but His time is not always our time and His ways are definitely not our ways.

If I did not understand God’s economy, I would not get this AT ALL! Yet, I have a beautiful story of an EPIC rescue by a Father who loves me more than I deserve and gives me glimpses of Him, when I need them most. As I was preparing for the estate sale, I went “over the edge”. I was not even aware the edge was close, I thought I was fine. As we priced almost all of my worldly possessions, I lost it.

Mind you, stuff is just stuff, so even though I was going from 2,600 square feet into a 700 square feet, tiny house, I was letting it go. However, as I had my back turned and heard behind me, “How much would you like to sell this for?” I turned and saw a beautifully crafted wall mounted plate, with a blessing of love for all who enter, written on it. I strained for, “NO, no, you can’t sell that! It’s the last Christmas present Daryl ever bought me.”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I was in trouble. Tears flowed and my memories overtook me. I was done, face-down, flat out, under the water of the wave that hit me from behind. I was just standing there on my feet, moving forward, toward the beach and dry land, out of the deep waters, and then….then, I wasn’t. All I could breathe in was salt; the salt of a thousand tears. They flowed for five days, before I could stand up again and breathe in fresh air.

God has revealed Himself to me during this time, in awe inspiring ways over the past twenty plus days. I could tell you many but one, one, is a life memory of an epic rescue from my Abba Father. [Abba, it is as close as we can get to the word daddy in English.] As I was walking through my home, preparing for movers, on my next to the last day there, The Spirit pressed me to pray while I was walking through the room where I found Daryl after his stroke. I dropped to my knees and then went prostrate onto the floor over the spot where he had lain. God’s Spirit washed over me and said, “You remember this as where it all changed and TODAY, I’m telling you this is where it will all be restored, and you will move forward.”

There was much more to this story, more than a blog can hold, but my heart HOLDS onto it! Knowing that my Abba is with me, He is watching over me, He does love me, He sees my tears, He directs my paths, and He has a plan for my days.

I made it through, again, and I did not drown, not even in shallow waters. And I AM moving forward, NEVER forgetting what is behind, but honoring it as I move to press on toward the prize which is Christ Jesus.

God, Help us to remember with confidence, You are ALWAYS with us. In Jesus Name, Amen.

10 replies
  1. Vickie
    Vickie says:

    Thank you for this post Terri. It is good to be reminded that there is a time to let go and that God will be in those moments with us. It’s been just 9 months since I lost my husband, age 52, of a rage aggressive cancer. It was just 5 months from diagnosis to death, so my head is still spinning from the reality of it all, the decisions, the grief and caring for 3 children, 2 college age and a 9 year old. I know God is with me, that He loves me and that He has good things ahead for me, even though I cannot see it clearly now, I get glimpses. I want to move forward, but lately the lonliness has set in and I feel a bit lost about what life looks like without him. I will keep moving forward though, one step, one day at a time by God’s grace.

    • Teri Cox
      Teri Cox says:

      Vickie,

      Give yourself time. You are still trying to just make it through days, and that is okay, just take it one step at a time, as you said.

      Loneliness can be a bear. We can be the loneliest person in a room with hundreds of others. It is normal; not easy, but normal.

      We are here,
      Teri

  2. Teresa Torres
    Teresa Torres says:

    Teri, I read over your blog and couldn’t help but feel the pain and suffocating of reliving the moment. I am happy for your moving forward and I think you are one of the strongest people I know. You can tell the stories and open up your heart for all to see. I don’t think I could do that. Just know I love you, and think of you often. Prayers for you my sweet friend. Teresa

    • Teri Cox
      Teri Cox says:

      Thank you, Teresa. I know you do, never doubted you or your families love for me, not even for a moment. I pray God protects you from ever HAVING to find that kind of strength.

  3. Mary Stubblefield
    Mary Stubblefield says:

    Wow, I’m at the same length of time as Terri with the crossing over of my beloved, best friend, husband & children’s dad, will be 4 years on 11-7-15, and I’m at the point of where I’m thinking to put our/my family home up on the market as well, because it’s a but much to maintain right now being a widow & 1 retired income coming in & back to looking to return to work, so I get, know, understand & have experienced everything that each of you ladies have shared with the ANS & Widows Might write ups/blogs each of you have shared I see myself in each and everyone I’ve read since coming across this site and it’s been a blessing for me because others share in what I feel as well at the same time getting encouragement & validation that it’s normal & fine to feel the way I do even when family, friends, personal, business & even church associates don’t understand or even offer assistance as we think they ought under Christian and friendship principles I was brought up with, taught, or even witnessed as a child growing up things are definitely different now, I know I’m not alone because my Father God & HIS Son Jesus Christ is Always with & there for me but, it would be nice sometimes for human beings that you’ve been there for would come through and be there for me especially now when things are so overwhelming at times due to finances just not being available, but, God has Always provided a way & I know HE Will continue too, and in HIS time if it’s HIS will and plan for my life to be reunited in marriage again will send the God fearing, loving Man to will help to provide for His daughter… My children are adults now 8 years apart, daughter was even at time of her dads death now 30 she works, but son was just graduating high school, & going off to college which he attended for 2 years was to come out for a year but to date hasn’t returned but is working now and is 22 years old… I Thank God for my life, blessings & journey no matter how trying it can get but again all I do is call on & pray to Him to make me strong enough to make it through… God Bless U All for sharing your experiences, they really do help… !!! 🙂 🙂 🙂

  4. Sherry Rickard
    Sherry Rickard says:

    Sweet Teri! As I read your article, my eyes filled with tears. First, my heart was aching with yours as I have had many of these moments along the road and they just take your breath away. Your analogy of drowning was so on target. Secondly, my heart ached that my friend has to go through this. I’m so sorry. If I could take the pain away, I would. Then, I feel selfish; because I would never have met you if both of our husbands hadn’t been promoted. I would never have had the pleasure of your sweet voice in my ear on a phone call; a perfectly-timed text across my phone screen and the warmth of your friendship on many a morning when my heart was cool and near to breaking. I’m so sorry you have had to travel this journey, but I can’t imagine my journey without you and if I can just say, God is with us and has ordained our friendship and I’m so glad that if I have to be on this journey, I have friends like you to walk with, cry with, and get up “again” with. God is so good and I’m glad he gifted me with your friendship. Thank you for sharing your heart! <3

    • Teri Cox
      Teri Cox says:

      I love your, Precious. God has indeed ordained our time on this journey and all that is to come. He has you friend. He is the same, yesterday, today and forever. I LOOK FORWARD to forever!

  5. annette
    annette says:

    Thank u thank u for this. This is sad yet beautiful. Letting go and moving forward pressing toward the mark. It has been three and a half months since my beloved went home to our Father. I had to let go and move forward in something this weekend. My husband was the pastor of the church so I felt like the Holy Spirit was urging me to do this so that the church could move forward. I thought I was ready and wouldn’t cry but the tears overflowed like a river and overtook me. But God. I was so inspired at how the Holy Spirit spoke to you. That is a longing of my heart. To hear His voice in everything at all times. His still small voice leading, guiding and directing me. He is our Father and He knows what we need. This was such a blessing to me. I believe it was an encouragement from the Lord just for me after what i had to do this weekend because I woke up pretty down in my spirit. I believe God has a plan for the rest of my life I just don’t know what it is yet. I would love to here your entire testimony of how the Lord blessed u through this. Thank you and thank you Lord.

    • Teri Cox
      Teri Cox says:

      Annette,

      I am blessed in you finding peace and encouragement in my story. Feel free to FB friend my page and we can message about more specifics. I’m sorry you had to go through such a difficult weekend. He is with you.

      Teri

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