Friendships–Silver and Gold

Make new friends,
but keep the old.
One is silver,
the other is gold.

Were any of you sisters a girl scout growing up?

campfireI remember sitting around a campfire with dozens of other scouts singing this in round.  The harmony between the different parts along with the chill in the October night gave me goose bumps.

I still get goose bumps with this song.  Because all of my life, I’ve made new friends and kept the old.

Keeping the old friends is so healing through life—you connect with them occasionally and they feel like touchstones to who you are.  And the good ones will refresh you, cheer you on.

How has your friendship life been going since you lost your beloved?  Have they scattered?  Have they acted a bit different?  Or have they been true blue—sticking with you from the start?

Or have you seen a little of the good and the awkward in each of your friendships.  Loss does that.  Many people are not sure how to interact with someone who has lost a husband.

It’s been many years for me, and I’ve chosen to put my kids first and turned away opportunities to date men who were almost right, but not quite the fit for my family.  Leaving me relying on my friendships for my support network.

This song means a great deal to me, because sometimes a season for a friendship starts to wind down a bit. A friend moves, or a friend becomes preoccupied with a career and can’t spend the time with you, or a friend has something she’s struggling with and you with your big family to raise can’t really give her the support she needs so she has to turn to others as you just encourage as best you can.

That’s when the song is reassuring.  Keep the old.  No matter what the reason the season for lots of interaction between you winds down, don’t get frustrated with her.  Be kind.  Love her. Even if perhaps a misunderstanding or something not so kind on her part has put a wedge between you.  Get with Christ and ask Him to open your heart to compassion for her and give you discernment as to how much or little time you need to devote to her.  Then act according to His will and with love and positive attitudes towards her.

Then, she will always be your friend.  Always.

Then make new friends.  There are women everywhere feeling, like you, that they need a friend.

One of my newest friends is Cheri.  We met by accident in pedicure chairs.  As the pedicurist quizzed me on my love life (I was dating someone from another town at the time), I mentioned I was widowed.

“So was I,” Cheri said and introduced herself.

“And I’m dating a widower,” I added to my story.

“So did I,” Cheri added.

“And he lives in another state.”

“So did Jim, until we got married.”

It turned out that our lives, our values, and our personalities were so similar that we were instant friends.

How perfect that the Lord placed Cheri in my life at a time when my old friends were still there for me, but I felt the season of tight interaction with them winding down as their lives got busier with jobs and teenagers.  I maintain friendships with my old friends, but having someone come along side of me in my new season is so precious to me!

It’s been a year now and Cheri has become invaluable to me, helping me locate a church that fit our family better and sticking with me as I use her as a sounding board on decisions I had to make with my teens.

God bless a good friendship.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
    but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

13 replies
  1. Kit
    Kit says:

    Thank you for your encouragement to the young mothers. I imagine it’s not easy, even with the children grown.

  2. Sheila
    Sheila says:

    Bless all of your hearts that posted here. I couldn’t imagine having to raise children alone. I was blessed to have my husband make his entrance into heaven after mine were grown. But, I felt very different for many yrs. I still feel somewhat different. It is hard to explain.

  3. Trudy
    Trudy says:

    Enjoy reading your post , it makes me stronger and see all the other pain around me of all the special relationships other people shared. My dude was truly a gift from God as he raised my 5 little children! We had 30 wonderful years together and greeted me every evening with his arms wide open! How I miss him . I just am lost and don’t know where God wants me to minister? I pray he leads me to what and where I fit in . God Bless you ladies

  4. Billie Jean
    Billie Jean says:

    Thank you! I am in business as an insurance agent for commission only and caring for my mother who is 76 after my fathers passing! I am 58 years old and wonder after four years as a widow where i fit and how I can play the music of Life that God has given me to do. I may never play a instrument in my life, but I will let my life sing of the love and comfort that only God can give!

  5. Melanie
    Melanie says:

    my wonderful husband of 21 years passed away in July of 2012. I too, am now a single mom to three great kids! We can do it, with Gods grace- His power made available to us, each and every day. My motto these last 17 months has been, One day at a time. I often say to myself, well done honey, just like my husband used to! Stay close to God and your local church!

  6. Melanie
    Melanie says:

    I lost my husband Aug. 1, 2012 to cancer and we had only been married 12 years. I am raising our 3 children ages 8,10, and 12 on my own. As I was reading your post, it seemed as if you were reading my mind….

    • Kit
      Kit says:

      I know the walk of raising four children by myself, and I know that you must trust the Lord and BELIEVE in His plan for your families! Bless you!

  7. Judy
    Judy says:

    I lost my husband of 40 years in 2011. It was sudden, a massive stroke. He was my best friend and I’m just now starting to live again. I’m trying to get involved in ministry in my church. My husband was also my Pastor. So I lost my husband and my ministry. My children are grown so I didn’t face the challenges of these young Moms. I’ve been making a prayer list of these young widows like Jill, and try to pray for them regularly. It’s a hard road, but I’ve always trusted the Lord to bring me through and He has done that.

  8. Jill
    Jill says:

    It has been 1 year since I lost my husband to brain cancer.. I’m 34 and we have 4 young kids… Never in my wildest dreams did i think i would be widowed at this age! Kyle and I were highschool sweethearts so losing him I feel literally like I lost my right hand!!! It does feel different- but this past year I have done more things on my own that I never ever thought I could or would! My prayer is for God to help me accept that it is ok to be single! Not sure what or why God is asking me to do this- but i am trusting in his ultimate plan- because if I don’t trust he knows best- it would make me angry and bitter!!! The past few months I have been challenged by a friend to not have to “fit” in- Romans 12:1..

    • Kit
      Kit says:

      Dear Lord, I ask for special blessings for Jill, as she has purpose and meaning in her life so real that all around her will be touched by her example. May she never grow weary, but increase in joy and wonder at the miracles You bring to her along the way of raising these children to be so close to You. Amen

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