memories of our loved ones start to fade

Forgetting…And Remembering!

Tears were streaming down my face in the shower. I was forgetting things about my late husband. It has been nearly four years but seems like much longer. We now live in a home I purchased, drive a car I purchased, and eat dinner whenever I choose (actually, whenever the kids can fit it in their busy schedules!). Our lives no longer revolve around a dad who works a nine-to-five job, helps with homework, or involves us in his hobbies or sports interests.

Every birthday of my children is a reminder. My husband and I made the choice to do the birth of our kids alone (without an “audience” of friends or family) and now I have no one to discuss the details of their births. I miss that. Was it a hard birth? Were there funny events that happened there? I can’t remember and that makes me sad.

The other day the “forgetting” hit me hard. I quickly shot off a text to several friends. “Please send me a memory of Mark – like the first thing that comes to mind. I  need some help remembering him. Thanks.”

Most of my friends reacted quickly. One sent a funny memory from youth group when he was a sponsor and she was a student, another sent a more recent memory, and a husband and wife each sent separately the same memory! One memory was something I didn’t even know about. They were each such refreshment to my soul.

It was like a cool glass of lemonade on a hot summer day.

Remembering is important. God told the Israelites to do it often. Remember the Egyptians. Remember the Sabbath. Remember the commandments. Remember the past. They were to talk about it often. It isn’t unhealthy to talk about the past.

You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. Deuteronomy 11:19 ESV

Sometimes when I am forgetting God’s faithfulness in my life, I need to turn to Scripture and say, “God, point me to Your faithfulness in this passage today.” I want to be reminded of His goodness and faithfulness. I want to care as much and even more about remembering God’s faithfulness–as I do about remembering my late husband.

Some memories of my husband are floating away like a party balloon on a ribbon, up, up, into the vast sky, never to be remembered again. But God has given us His Word, written by forty people over 1500 years, that NEVER fades away. We can remember His faithfulness, His promises, His grace and mercy, and His compassions which are new every morning. God’s Word has stood the test of time. We can count on it to be true, reliable, convicting, and encouraging.

Our memories of our husbands may begin to fade but–

The grass withers, the flower fades,
    but the word of our God will stand forever. Isaiah 40:8 ESV

Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. Matthew 24:35 ESV

Lord, help us spend time in Your Word so we can share these words with someone who needs encouragement today. And remind us of a sweet memory of our husbands since those memories seem to fade so quickly. Thank You that Your Word never fades away. Amen



Elizabeth Dyer lives in Oklahoma with her six children named after Bible characters, a large dog named after a grandfather, a noisy cat named after a German race car driver, and guinea pigs named after candy bars!  Elizabeth lost her husband in 2012 and is learning that she only THOUGHT she knew what trusting God was–widowhood has taken that “faith walk” to a whole new level for her. Psalm 94:19 has become a special verse for her family – “Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer.”


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4 replies
  1. Beth
    Beth says:

    “How quickly we can erase someone’s physical presence, while their memory forever lingers”. That quote has helped me through some difficult days of cleaning out clothing and personal items of my husband’s.

  2. Marilyn Nutter
    Marilyn Nutter says:

    “We now live in a home I purchased, drive a car I purchased, and eat dinner whenever I choose.” Those words resonated with me and I identified so much with your description. I moved to another state two years after my husband died; I live in a house he never lived in with me and we had been married 42 years. I recently bought a new vehicle and sold “his” that I had been driving. It was a “new loss” as I wrote on my website last month. I have welcomed four grandchildren without him. There seems to be less and less of him in my life now that he has been gone over four years. The “I” becomes more vivid.
    Thanks for bringing this to the surface. So many do not know the subtle layers of losses that we experience and yes, God never changes and He is faithful to accompany us in every one of our changes.

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