Dating a Widow

A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:39 (ESV)

Free to be married to whom she wishes.

But what’s it like for a man to date a widow?  Jack knows.  He came across our ministry and wrote me, because he is dating a widow and wanted to learn more about how to be sensitive to her grief.  Here’s what Jack wrote:

Kit,
I am currently dating someone who is a young widow. They were together for four and a half years and had a son together. My own insecurities and feeling like I would always be second best led me to your article about widows and marriage in heaven. I found it very helpful for me personally. I wanted to thank you for the post. It explained a lot to me. I find it comforting that all relationships are perfect in heaven regardless of who you are married to or divorced/ widowed from on earth. I think it will go a long way with helping me be the man I need to be for the woman I care so much about.
I hope I understood your post the way you intended.
Thank you,
Jack

It can be daunting for a man to date a woman who has lost her best friend. But hearing Christ answer questions about marriage in Heaven can be helpful to anyone wanting to take that step into the dating world.

Here are a few points from the article Jack is referring to titled Will We be Married in Heaven?.

  • Jesus tells us in Luke 20:34-38 that there will be no marriage in Heaven
  • Heaven’s grandeur will surpass anything we know of now–including marriage
  • Heaven is so perfect that we will not struggle with jealousy nor comparisons

Perhaps you are like me.  Grief at first consumed me, but as time wore on, a different pain overtook the grief–the longing for companionship in my life.  I knew I had the freedom to date.  But oh, it was hard to take that step and not look back. Especially since I knew the love I had lost was a good one.

The words Paul adds at the end of the verse above–“only in the Lord” comfort me.  They point me in the direction I need for confident dating. I am a believer in Christ, and if I choose to marry again, it will only be in the Lord.  It will only be with someone who has enough understanding to date and develop trust with a widow. The kind of wisdom that comes easily when the man believes like I do that there is a Savior, that in Heaven there is no marriage, and he and I are free to date without feeling like we are betraying the memory of the husband I lost.

When I meet a sweet man who simply doesn’t understand Who Christ is, I’m left reading very mixed signals from him about where he stands in relationship to God and me. Dating only “in the Lord”  helps me stay focused only on those men who will feel comfortable knowing I loved my husband, and I can love again.

Someone might be daunted by dating a widow, but if you yourself feel daunted, don’t!

Trust the Lord!

Have patience with yourself and with anyone you bring into your life.  They know what a part of your life your husband was.

Lord, would you help Jack be sensitive to his girlfriend’s grief and desire to move forward?  Please let the words from the article on Marriage in Heaven touch his heart and give him deep understanding of her grief so that he can be the man You want him to be for her.  Amen.

Find the article Kit refers to about marriage in Heaven here:   Will we be married in Heaven?

017_HinkleKit Hinkle is the Founder and Ministry Lead for A New Season Ministries, Inc., and an author and speaker. She has lived through corporate careers as a chemical engineer and a management consultant, but now finds her finest career as a home school mother to four teen boys–one of them launched in college. She loves Pilates and her best friend’s Bosanova Christian yoga-style stretching. Her longing for walks on the beach with her chocolate lab has led her to Charleston where she’s now starting her new season.  To sit with another who is walking through her tough road and show that woman Christ, brings joy and fulfillment to Kit. It’s such an honor to participate in His kingdom.
If you are interested in having her speak, please contact her via email at admin@anewseason.net. 
Other articles by this author: www.anewseason.net/author/khinkle

Would you like to read more about dating?  Here are some articles you might try:

The Seven Signs by Kit Hinkle

You don’t have to Forget to Reset by Kit Hinkle

 

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