This has been the topic at my church over the past several weeks, and it got me thinking: What was my breakthrough “God moment”?
There have been many throughout my life and through this journey of widowhood, but one moment early on, seems to stand out. It was January 2015, when my husband of nearly seven years shockingly died by suicide at just thirty-one, leaving me in a gamut of emotions while trying to raise our one-year-old son.
Though I knew leaning on the Lord was the only way I was going to survive circumstances of this magnitude, I felt as if I was flailing about. A week or so after his death, still in shock, I walked into the prayer room at our church, and a woman was there. That’s when something changed – she told me to just open my Bible and start in John. “There is hope there,” she shared.
And, so I did. As I started to read, I began to cling to Jesus, and He has been my rock. He always has been, but I’d never experienced such life-altering pain. I gave it all to the Lord – my pain, guilt, anger, sorrow and future and totally surrendered to his will for my life. Having no idea what He had in store for us, I knew He would take care of us and that my husband Michael was with Him.
I also had hope, because of that moment at church that started a series of breakthrough moments, including meeting my second husband Keith – a miracle that only God could have orchestrated.
I did not think remarriage was even possible. Though nothing is perfect, my marriage to my late husband Michael was pretty close to it– He was my soul mate, I kept saying. In fact, my biggest fear in life was losing him. So, when he died, I had no plans to ever remarry. Ever. It was so far from my mind.
Fast forward just seven months later, and another moment happened when I met a gentleman named Keith. He was walking his own broken road, relying on the Lord to get him through. I enjoyed talking with him and knew something was different. I shared I had lost my husband, and he shared a Bible verse.
We became friends, and I resisted anything other than that. This wasn’t my timeline and it wasn’t what I had planned! There were many moments during our relationship where I thought I would call things off, not because I didn’t like and care about Keith, but because I was afraid. However, I could feel the Lord telling me to “just go”. Keith was so patient, and our relationship grew.
Just last month we celebrated our first wedding anniversary. Who he is and our marriage is truly a miracle in my life.
Only through God’s grace have I continued to walked this road of widowhood and been blessed with, not only one, but two amazing husbands and soul mates.
“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:19
Though they can be different, God has breakthrough moments for all of us – moments where He tugs at our hearts to follow His lead, listen and trust. It can be tough at times, because these moments and plans aren’t always on our timeline or what we envisioned for our lives. But I have learned to surrender and listen, and He has broken through – Every. Single. Time. My hope and trust is in Him.
Lord, We know You want to break through in our lives, and we want that, too. But our circumstances can be so difficult. Help us to trust, listen and surrender to Your will for our lives. Amen.
Jennifer was widowed by suicide in January 2015. She is recently remarried and lives with her husband Keith in north central Texas. She is now the mom and step mom of three sons. When she’s not running after three energetic boys, Jennifer loves running outdoors, enjoying nature. As her grief journey continues, she is sharing her story to help others know that it is only in the Lord that hopeful healing and walking forward are possible.
Want to view another post by Jennifer? No Longer a Slave to Fear
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