By Sarah Rodriguez
A month after the loss of my husband the new IPhone came out. I was eligible for an upgrade so I decided I would go ahead and make the purchase. I was a little daunted by this task but I decided to make the leap. The long awaited phone finally came in the mail. I spent the next 2 hours in tears of frustration trying to make sure that all of my old text messages from my husband were backed up so they wouldn’t be lost. I was finally able to figure it out much to my relief. I plugged my phone into my computer to transfer all of my files only to get the error message I didn’t have enough space on my new phone. How was that possible? I finally realized I had purchased a phone with the wrong amount of storage space. I transferred back all of my old files, loaded the phone in the box and off to the local cell phone store I went. Upon arrival I was told they were sold out of my particular phone and wouldn’t have any more for months which wouldn’t be a problem if I hadn’t already given my old phone to someone else. I was able to go home, call the cell phone company and explain my situation to them. An hour and a half later they had resolved the situation and a new phone was on its way. By the end of this ordeal I had lost a few hours of my life and a few hairs I had pulled from my head.
Why was this all such a big deal, you ask? Because my husband was the one who normally handled all of the electronic issues in our home. He would mention the new phone was coming out and next thing I knew I had it in the palm of my hand with all of the files neatly transferred over. It took me hours upon hours to do something that was so effortless for him. I was so embarrassingly bad at something so simple for him that it frustrated me.
I must admit out of my frustration I started to get angry. I was angry my husband wasn’t here to help when I needed him. I was angry the littlest things were such a big hassle due to my inadequacy. I was angry I felt so helpless and I was angry I was alone. All in all I was just angry.
In my frustration I cried out to God and told Him how unfair my life was. I told him how hard and lonely it was to do life without my best friend. On and on I went until I had depleted myself of every frustration I felt. At the end of my rant I felt The Lord say simply “I am here.”
He is was there the day that my husband left this earth. He was there the day I held my son in my arms knowing his Father would never return. He was there when I laid in bed at night crying lonely tears. And believe it or not He was there when I was frustrated about a silly phone. Whatever I am feeling be it big or small He is there and He cares.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” 1 Peter 5:6-7
That day I gave every emotion to The Lord. I told Him how I felt and left it at His feet knowing how deeply He cares about all of my pain. I am sure it won’t be the last frustrating situation I endure but one things for sure-I know I won’t ever face it alone.
Dear God-I thank you that You care about every little thing that concerns me. I thank You that in every fear and frustration You are there for me. I pray for Your help to get me through the difficult moments ahead no matter how big or small and to feel You ever near to me. Amen.