for every moment-2

Crushed Dandelions

Happy squeals wafted through the open window. Glancing up, I studied the gleeful, boisterous play. Children climbed on jungle gyms. Some jumped rope, A fierce game of soccer was in full swing, and everywhere there was laughter and innocence. I put my head down on the desk, and contemplated crawling right under it. A tear fell to the desk–the new normal.

Sorrow. I let it linger for several heartbeats.

“Pull it together Ami. They need you.”

I lifted my head, soaking up the commotion of recess once more, as if by watching I could trap a tiny part of their joy. How I longed for a return to the carefree.

Day after day I held it together for my Kinders, but melted into sobs on the way home. I’d had to return to work, however. I needed someone to need me.

I suppose I needed them as well.

Often I felt a small, warm hand slip inside mine as we walked down the hallway. Without looking I knew which child it was. He was unusually perceptive for his age, seeming to know just when I struggled the most. Comfort was intuitive.

My littles and I had also gotten to have many conversations about death. And Jesus. And Heaven. And grace. For all that, I was thankful. But some mornings it was a feat just to get out of bed.

Soon I left my quiet sanctuary and stepped into the spring sunshine to gather my gaggle of geese. Faces flushed from play, they fell in like like happy little goslings, fearlessly trusting.

“I picked some flowers for you Mrs. Atkins.”

He beamed, a handful of crushed dandelions stretched out in his chubby little fist. I knelt at his eye level. “They’re so beautiful. Thank you buddy! I love them.”

He threw the weight of himself at me in a the biggest hug a five year old could muster.

There were merely wilted weeds, a bunch of crushed dandelions. But they were more lovely than dozens of roses. Given of a pure heart, out of delight, he just wanted his teacher to smile.

And smile I did.

Thank you Lord for the small graces. Thank you for the rays of sunshine amid the clouds. 

I imagine it’s something like giving to God. The treasures I present are little more than wilted flowers. He’s the God who owns everything. He doesn’t need my dandelions.

I bring my weaknesses, my tainted motives, my sin. I bring no merit of my own.

He brings His righteousness.

So He grins with delight at my feeble, childish offerings. To Him they’re supremely lovely because they are clothed in the righteousness of Jesus. He delights because He looks at me and sees His Son.

When I remember that, I can’t help but want to bring Him all the flowers I can gather. I delight in Him. And as a result. obedience and love flow from the abundance I’ve received– identity, reconciliation, adoption, salvation, inheritance, restoration. And most importantly, I’ve been given Him.

And here’s the thing. I would have smiled at my little Kinder, even he had never brought me a thing. My love for him was not a result of his behavior.

How beautifully freeing.

My Father delights in me.

Placing the flowers in a prominent place on my desk, I smiled again. My Father delights in me. He gives grace for every moment. And sometimes grace is a bundle of wilted dandelions.

Father thank You for faithful, new every morning grace. Lord help me see the small graces even in sorrow. Again I’m overwhelmed by Your  favor and delight. Because of Christ’s atoning work on the cross, You look at me and grin in delight. How utterly marvelous and unfathomable! O Lord, let these truths sink deep within. Amen.

Ami is a Kindergarten teacher turned Developmental Therapist turned writer. Ami also assists the elders at her local church through counseling and ladies’ ministry. She began writing two weeks after her husband died in January 2013. The ramblings were her honest, raw, thoughts as a 30 year old, childless widow desperately trying to process the tsunami. She felt strongly that she needed to let others see the journey and let God use it to break down stereotypes of Christian grief. Now she writes to equip, encourage, and comfort those on similar paths.

Check out more posts by this author at- Ami Atkins

You might also like these posts by our team:

Whispers of Fresh Dreams

The Gift

The Hard Side of Hope

Learning to live

How Blind Faith Blind-Sided (and blessed) Me

Giving up my desire to understand has been hard. Surrendering my unknown plans to a known Savior didn’t come easy for me. After my sweet Kevin passed through the pearly gates, I recall imploring (begging to be exact) God to rid me of my desire to understand His painfully perfect plan for my life. I no longer wanted to wrestle with why the daddy of my precious baby girls had to leave for heaven and what it meant to me as a mom.

Over time I’d come to accept his death and my role as a widow in this world. But I still struggled with what I was supposed to do with my new role on my unfamiliar stage. If He would just outline the script and reveal the plot, I could live my motherhood and grief out-loud for His glory! If I knew destination I could continue to run the right race!

Yeah, there’s a little control freak in me, some Type A tendencies. But shamefully and more accurately, it was my weak faith revealed. My insecurity and desire to have a handle on everything kept me from growing in blind faith. Our sovereign God doesn’t need us to understand. He simple calls us to trust, surrender and obey.

Isiah 55: 8-9 says,For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.…” (ESV)

Blind faith. I need not understand anything. Instead, as daughter of the King, I needed to surrender.

You see, God doesn’t train us to the tune of our own will or self-perceived needs. He loves us more than that! He only gives us what He sees we need in His right timing, which is always just in time.

So I finally stepped aside as He taught me to surrender. He slowly revealed my new future. Gradually as I grew through grief learning to trust His mysterious ways, my Type A tendencies faded into blind faith.

This piece on Remembering, Reliving and Redemption captures my heart at the very time I became satisfied with His sovereignty.  I wrote it before I had heard a whisper of what was coming next.

What was next? Well, my gift of blind faith blind-sided me! God knew I may not want to comply with His plan so He began blindly preparing me for it. He had a man in mind and knew it’s not what I wanted. (And now that I know how beautifully hard blending families really is, I may have sprinted in another direction had He revealed too much too soon.)

He first created a canvas and then pried open my heart to receive with reverence and love a wonderful man and a surprising new plan. God also painted in me the purest kind of guardian love for three girls who came as an extension of my man. Now…well, now life is all upside-down and seems only a semblance of what it was.

I was blindsided by my blind faith. God changed my course so someone could captured my heart. And I’m living a life blessed by the beautiful challenge of blending families. Here’s much more about how He blind-sided me with a husband: If I’m Being Honest…

In case you’re curious, I consider myself a remarried widow. It’s how I reconcile deeply loving a new man yet still cherishing lost love for another. It’s complicated. It’s harder than hard on days when blending families feels more like banging my head on the wall than a blessed new beginning.

But I can say with certainty that learning to walk in blind surrender towards my beautiful Savior fills my life to overflowing with unexpected hope and un-containable joy!. It’s ALL for His glory. The emotional exhaustion and incredible responsibility alongside the bounty of new blessings reminds me of God’s loving preparation and the gift of blind faith. 

Sisters, we all walk a unique path of blessed weariness in widowhood. We each bear burdens differently. But our lives are knit together with a common understanding of how the earth shakes when death destroys our dreams. None of us knew exactly what we’d meet on this path and we never know what purpose God’s prepping us for. But walking blindly towards Him in surrender blesses us in ways only He knows we need. It’s complicated and it’s hard. But, believe me, it’s amazingly, breathtakingly mysterious!

I pray He pulls you deeper into blind faith and pricks your heart with the desire to surrender all your ‘whys’ and human needs to His unknown but always loving ways. 

Turn to His Word to reassure your heart: Psalm 37:4-6, Psalm 55:22, Proverbs 13:6

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God is Good-3

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.”

Proverbs 3:5

While reading this verse, I catch a glimpse of God’s Father personality so clearly. I see Him and me sitting at the kitchen table having a deep conversation. As I see the conversation starting to wrap up, I stand up and start for the door. As I walk away, He gives me one more piece of advice. He squeezes my hand and recites this verse.

It is not by happenstance that His first directive is to trust His heart and the second is a warning to not be too confident in my head knowledge. See, singing about trusting Him, reading about trusting Him, and listening to teachings about trusting Him, fills up my own understanding and builds confidence in my head knowledge. Head knowledge is important to obtain, but if it stands alone, I become a law keeper.  That never ends well.

“When I cannot see His hand, I must trust His heart.” When situations arise and etch gaping canyons in my heart, I have to remember He wastes nothing and He sees beyond the now and into eternity. He wants the best for His daughter. His heart surrounds me on all sides. He knows the road ahead. He created it. He gave His only Son to make a way for His children. His heart is worthy of my trust. His goodness towards me sustains me like a life raft.


Other posts in this series: God is Good and God is Good-2



Ministry Announcement

It’s with our pleasure that together, as the leadership of aNew Season Ministries, Inc., we make an exciting announcement.  

As of April 20, 2016, the ministry is now under the management and direction of A Widow’s Might, Inc. with Sheryl Pepple serving as President.  

The new corporate status will have no bearing on the upcoming conference experience, and the ministry will still have the same services that you have grown to know and love.

We are excited about serving you!  Please contact us if you have any questions!

God be with you!


Sheryl Pepple  and Kit Hinkle


My Tribe

“A friend loves at all times.” Proverbs 17:17

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”  C.S. Lewis

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4: 9-12

I’ve heard it countless times as a widow from some wonderful and well meaning people.  Early on, it was my married friends or some other person who thought they were helping.  One time a pastor even said it to me, when I mentioned how tough it was to not be part of a couple or have the friendships I had anymore.

“God is your husband now. He is all you need.”

With every ounce of my being I know each person meant well and was trying to comfort me, even if there was no deeper true understanding of what I was going through.

Frankly though, they were wrong.

In the garden of Eden God was with Adam.  Scripture says He was present, and He walked and talked with Adam.  Yet, in Genesis God says “it’s not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)  So He created a help mate, a partner!

From that union forward we see many rich and beautiful relationships and marriages throughout God’s Word. To name just a few: Abraham and Sarah, Jacob and Rachel, Isaac and Rebeckah, and even Mary and Joseph.

We also see the need for a friend too, a go to person; Jesus had Peter, David had Jonathan, Naomi had Ruth, Abraham had Lot, Job had his close friends.

Please understand me.  I believe God is good.  He is Sovereign.  I love Him and He loves me.  He’s certainly provided, protected and loved me throughout. He’s set me apart as a widow. He has been there for me.  He has become my husband in some tangible ways and no human will ever come before Him in my life again.

But I still need more!  I need people. A tribe! Real live huggable, lovable people.  And to be told otherwise goes against God’s word.

I need people who’ll show empathy and give me the freedom and encouragement needed to walk this path, even if they don’t get this at a deeper level because they haven’t experienced it.  I need those who’ll spend time with me.  Who’ll let me pour into them, and they into me.  I need confidants and supporters. I need to be needed too.

We all need a group or tribe of people in our life.

Of course my “before” tribe looked very different than my “now” tribe, and I may lack the intimacy of marriage; but God Himself and my tribe have perfectly filled some of the more important voids.

My tribe consists of married, widowed, single, and divorced. My tribe blesses me every day.  And I pray I bless them every day too.

Sisters, don’t settle.  Don’t be fed the lies that we don’t need more because God is our husband now.

God will fill you up.  He will heal you and move you forward.  No one can be Him.  But He shows us from Genesis on, we need a tribe!

Maybe it’s a tribe of one or two.  Or it’s a tribe of ten or more.  It doesn’t matter.

Just find your tribe!  And let God bless you richly through them.  Let Him use you too, to comfort and love them from the deeper places this journey has given you.

I encourage you to seek a tribe who can stand together with you united in faith, love, and friendship.

Father God, I thank You for my friendships and the way You use each of them in my life.  I thank You that You’ve called me to be the kind of friend I seek in others.  I thank You for Your constant presence in my life, and for being my husband.  Yet, giving me so much more than I ever deserve in the tribe You’ve gifted to me.  May I never forget how much You have loved me and provided for me in the absence of my earthly husband.  In Your Matchless Name, Amen.

2013-11-09 03.40.34-4Erika Graham is Director of Operations, and an author and speaker for aNew Season/A Widow’s Might Ministries. She resides in New Jersey with her daughter, twin boys, and her little fluffy puppy. She loves summers at the beach and all things chocolate. She lost her husband to suicide in June 2010. Erika has been called to share the victory she’s experiencing through Christ Jesus over the life God has ordained for her.


If you are interested in having Erika or any of our writing team speak, please contact us via email at:

Other articles by this author click here.

Related articles on this topic: Falling into Friendship God’s Way and What is Friendship?


Breathing In Hope

“What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined,
what God has prepared for those who love him”

1 Corinthians 2:9 ESV

None of us envisioned THIS as our future.

We didn’t walk our wedding aisle gazing at the pure love and joy on our groom’s face with thoughts that we would one day be widowed.

But THIS is where we are.

It is our “current”.

The pain is real and the grief is raw.

We cannot alter the circumstances that have brought us here. No matter how much we wish we could.  Time doesn’t flow in reverse.

There is a time to grieve. We cannot skip out on this.  We only harm ourselves if we try to rush the process.

Our loss was life shattering. Every single aspect of our world is now changed; every one of them, new.  This compounded loss that exists in each layer of us can plant seeds of fear.  Oh, we don’t necessarily recognize the little nagging thoughts as fear.  But it is there.

Fear we can’t possibly navigate this earth without the leadership of our husband manifests itself in constant thoughts of failure. If we aren’t careful, we can almost convince ourselves we are incapable without even attempting to accomplish something new.

Our fear of repeating a walk through such great loss causes us to hesitate in loving again.

Fear of the unknown nestles deep worry into our thoughts. Worry can begin to influence all processing in our brains, turning each situation into something potentially negative.  But we of all people should remember that this life is full of unknowns.  After all, we didn’t plan on being here, right?

What if it is time to come out from under the heaviness and start living again? Not living without the pain, but living around it.  Not erasing the memories, but cherishing them in their rightful place and looking ahead with expectation.

If you are not at this place yet, that’s okay. Do the work inside of your grief for now.  But, if you can honestly evaluate, and you are one who knows you should begin taking those bold steps forward, this writing is for you!

So which is it? Are you working through a healthy phase of grief, or are you stuck in grief because of fear?  Have you quit doing the work of sorting through grief and just settled in tight?  Are you stagnant in this life?

Friends, our God is anything but stagnant.

He is mighty and active.

He is alive and working.

He is NOT in the fear.  No, He is in the hope!

If these thoughts ring true within you, will you take time today to pray through your fears? Hand each one to God.  Name them and give them to the One who calms fears and offers hope.  Call on His mighty name with expectation of what He will do with your life.

Will there be unknowns?

Will there be things that seem too hard?

Will the newness at times be awkward to walk through?

I answer all of these with a resounding YES. But that “yes” is where hope lives.  It lives in the light that is revealed when fears are brought out of their darkness and surrendered.

Hope lives in the increased breaths as you contemplate that first step toward newness.

It resides in the accelerated heartbeat as you bravely walk into your future.

It is the combination of not knowing what comes next and the excitement of trusting that God will walk whatever path lies in your future with you.

Years ago, we had only dreams of beauty when we eagerly gazed upon our groom. Now we have lived more.  Pain has tinged our hearts edges.  What has happened, we cannot change.  We can choose to let that pain grow fear and leave us stagnant, or we can allow God to move us into a place of hope.

Lord, Help me lift the ceiling of fears I have self-imposed on my life and teach me to soak in the view of Your magnificent, limitless sky. I trust You with my today and my tomorrow.  Amen


Lori Reynolds StrellerLori Reynolds Streller is a mother of two who finds herself smack dab in the middle of widowhood.  She is choosing a life of gratitude by intentionally living this new life well.  She answers to Mom, daughter, sister, aunt and friend.  Her sanity is fueled by daily time with Jesus and a lot of coffee.  Boot camp workouts and running are her stress relievers.  As a writer/speaker for aNew Season/A Widow’s Might Ministries, Lori uses her sense of humor and her reliance on God’s faithfulness to minister to others.  She boldly claims the goodness of her Lord in the midst of chaotic suffering.

Other articles written by this author: Lori Reynolds Streller

Other articles on this topic include: The Hard Side of Hope by Katie, Is This MY Hope by Elizabeth, and Hope Intensified by Sheryl


Into the Great Unknown

It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

Deuteronomy 31:8 ESV

“But I won’t know ANYBODY!”

That was me a year ago.

I had heard His call. I had purged many of my household belongings to get my home ready for sale. I had checked in with my children and made sure they were on board.

Still, I wanted to bring in a godly mentor. So I sat with the Christian counselor who had worked with my boys since the days right after they lost their father.

I tested my plan on him.  Was it crazy?  Was picking up everything and moving my family of teen boys a whole state away from everything they’ve known really God’s calling, or was I following my heart without considering the consequences?

“I can’t imagine a better move,” he said.

Not that he would recommend all widows simply pick up and move.  But I had stayed faithfully in one place during the first eight years of raising the kids alone. We were ready.

The move required many sacrifices. I was moving out of my home, out of my city, and away from everything I was accustomed to.

But I wasn’t leaving it all behind. After all, you can’t move away from God. He goes with you. Moses explained this to his people in Deuteronomy 31 as he handed over the leadership to Joshua. Isn’t his reassurance to the Israelites so relevant to each of us widows as we press forward into our futures?  Especially at a time when the reigns of the ministry are being turned over to a God-appointed leader, Sheryl. We are assured that God is with us always!

I bring friends and memories with me as well into a new community and new life which has nothing to do with anything from my past.

What a refreshing thought.  New.  As in new creation.  Paul said to the Corinthians, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” (ESV)

This is not a move I could have done in those early years of grief.  But where I am with my healing… It’s perfect! The new has come!

A year later?

I’m here in Charleston, South Carolina.  I have a new church—new friends, and new interests.

And I am more intently leaning on Him.

My family’s finances are cleaner. I traded the burden of a large home for a manageable property which fits in my budget.  I’m also in a state that uses state monies to help my kids earn merit scholarships. For the first time in years I have a workable financial plan for my future.

I’ve met new friends and have kept the old.  Because I’m near the coast, I’ve had visits from friends and they reciprocate when I want to visit in North Carolina. Here’s what I love here in my new home.  Where I enjoyed my friendships understanding me as a widow and remembering Tom and the history there, it’s a bit refreshing to have new territory where I’m just Kit—a friend who happens to be single. There is acknowledgement of my past and respect for my loss, but that loss is more put into perspective here.

Everyone goes through trauma in their life.  A loss like ours doesn’t trump all the other losses so dotting the landscape of our culture—divorce, illness, financial loss, struggles with raising children. What I like about starting fresh in a new community is that my loss doesn’t take on a disproportionate attention because their focus is on getting to know me without thinking of me in the framed context of that tragic loss.

Through it all, God is with me, and He knows Tom. I don’t need the world around me to remind me how tragic it was to lose Tom. God’s comfort is enough.

And that’s where stepping away from my comfortable surroundings and moving to another state has landed me— learning that He is indeed enough!


Kit Hinkle is an author and speaker. She was one of the original writers of A Widow’s Might in 2008, and after four years with that ministry, expanded it and founded A New Season Ministries, Inc. Once the ministry became established, she turned the leadership over, yet continues to contribute articles while she focuses on her finest career as a home school mother to four teen boys–one of them launched in college. She has lived through corporate careers as a chemical engineer and a management consultant, but now enjoys walks on the beach with her chocolate lab.  She loves to sit with another who is walking through her tough road and show that woman Christ. It’s an honor to participate in His kingdom.

If you are interested in having Kit or a member of our team speak, please contact us via email at: 

Would you like to see other articles written by Kit? See them here:  Kit Hinkle

Other articles on this topic: Lead Me- Guide Me- Walk Beside MeWhere Is Home ????


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God is Good-2

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

.  Romans 8:28

There are moments in this world that drive us to our knees; that take us to the edge of the abyss and threaten to hurl us over.

This world is NOT what God intended for us. He created a beautiful, peaceful Garden of Eden; not this. We live in a broken world; filled with sin and sorrow.

It is fallen…

At some point in each of our lives, it will shatter us into a million pieces; casting us away, counting us as worthless. However, as His children, we can be made new. He is our master craftsman. “But now, O Lord, You are our Father, We are the clay, and You our potter; And all of us are the work of Your hand ” Isaiah 64:8. As He presses and builds us anew, we may not look like we did before. We may not function with the same purpose as before. Even though we may be cracked, leaking, partially mended, or entirely refashioned, we are called to be useful. We are loved by our creator and His work will be completed in us.

How do I know, God is good, even when everything seems bad? Because, I know God is just and sees the tapestry of eternity. When I focus on broken circumstances, I too become broken. When I focus on Him, I am renewed and strengthened. He draws faith out of me.

“Lord, I believe; help me in my unbelief” Mark 9:24.  


Other posts in this series: God is Good


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Conference Registration is Closing Soon


Our conference registration will be closing SOON.

Please join us for a “Living a Fruitful Life ” Conference for widows at Camp Copass, a hidden gem just 20 minutes from the Dallas/Fort Worth airport! April 25th- April 27th. This 3 day/2 night conference at a beautiful lakeside Christian Camp with hotel style accommodations will allow you to refresh and recharge spiritually. Experience the blessing of being with other Christian widows as you receive uplifting teaching and practical tips for everyday life. Be renewed through deep, meaningful worship. Leave the conference feeling equipped to impact God’s kingdom by living a life that bears much fruit!

Register online here: 2016 Dallas Conference Registration

We look forward to communing together at in this beautiful location. 

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 Here are some testimonials of previous conference attendees:

After my husband got upgraded to heaven, I was in desperate need of healing and understanding. I tried Grief Share and various counselors, both are great sources of help. However they weren’t a fit for me. In 2014, I took a leap faith and went to the Ruth Retreat for A Widow’s Might. I came in broken and desperate but left with hope. Hope came in the form of bonding with 22 widows who “got it”. The relationships I made with these sisters are priceless. We continue to support and encourage each other through social media two years later. I can honestly say that weekend was one of the best investments of time and money in my life.
Lisa M.- Georgia

I attended ANew Season conference just six weeks after my husband passed in February 2015. It took everything I had to get there, but I thank God I did. This ministry and these women started my journey to healing. Though everyone has a different story and may be in a different season of loss, being surrounded by other women who understand the pain of losing their husband, somehow, brought comfort and strength. I believe the Lord places people in our paths as His hands and heart here on earth. The ladies at ANew Season were His hands and heart for me during that time. I am forever grateful.
Jennifer S.- Texas

So I signed up for the widows conference that was held in Dallas mainly because I had been led by the Lord to get connect with women in my similar situation and my employer was flying me to Austin for a work conference. Total God’s work! On day 1 of the conference, as we were in worship, I clearly heard the Lord speaking to me, saying it’s time to move. I had no idea what, where or how He wanted me to move, but because I was hearing it so loud and clear, I began to pray and ask God for clarification. Through the time, the sessions, and just connecting with women in my current situation I learned so much about me and my purpose. I was hesitant at first to register for the conference because I was afraid I would maybe slip backwards in my grief, however once I got there and got to meet with the other ladies, we all began to feel an instant connection. Some I was able to give insight to and others, gave me encouragement. I will say this conference was life changing for myself and my children. In the end, I made a move, the children and I moved from CA back home to TN in August, it hasn’t been easy, I have questioned myself many times, however, I know that this is exactly what God had planned. We are closer to family, we are in a smaller town, and financially it is much easier. I have kept in touch, greatly thanks to Facebook, with a few of the ladies from the conference and I hope to reconnect with them soon.
Amber F.- Tennessee

Our video testimonial: Check out our conferences

Please prayerfully consider joining us in just NINE days!

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Family Ties

                                                 See what kind of love the Father has given to  us,

                               that we should be called children of God; and so we are.

1 John 3:1 NIV

It’s just not the same.

My family image is not the same as it was years ago. And it is hard to not let the hurt slip into my heart. The thoughts of what we had and the plans we made invade my thoughts.

A single event can change the dynamics of a family in an instant.

It is a fact that physical death will affect every family at some point.  And for us walking this road of widowhood, we have certainly experienced a deep loss within the walls of our immediate family.

The physical loss of a spouse can rattle a family to the core.  All that has been part of our daily lives and normal routine has been uprooted. We find ourselves wondering what will happen now that the comfort zone is gone.

We ask why.  We question if we will be able to hold it together for who is left – especially for ourselves. All the things done for us by our spouses are now placed on our “to do lists”, unwanted and screaming his absence even louder. The lack of his presence is a deep void. No help. No hugs. No conversation. And if you are a parent, you may be clawing your way through each day to keep things normal for your children — you question the very essence of your being and purpose in this displeasing journey.

And then I am reminded of one thing. Our earthly families may have change.



And that will never change. He will always be with us. After all, we were created for fellowship with Him. Our being and purpose is laid out and planned for our eternal destination.

I became a part of God’s family at the age of nineteen when I invited Christ into my heart. That decision is what has guided me ever since. And nothing will change that. Not even death. It is the only way I have been able to move forward in this deep sadness of losing my husband. And no matter how distant I may get from His will or slip in my life, He still loves me. Agape love. Unconditional.

Wow. I am unworthy, but, ever so grateful.

The confidence and assurance of being a part of God’s family comes with time and maturity. I have found that some of our biggest “maturing phases” happen when we are faced with trials.  This grief walk is certainly one of those times. I am leaning on Christ now to be my husband. I am learning to trust Him with EVERYTHING.  And I mean everything.

When I am sad and lonely, I spend time with Him in Scripture and meditation, or sometimes curled up in tears with only moans that escape my mouth.  When I am struggling or worried about finances, I tell Him my needs and I listen for His guidance on how I should handle my money affairs. When I need help with home or car repairs, I pray He will lead me to someone I can trust.  It takes time and a lot of trust, my friends. But, we can have the security of His family as we continue to move forward.

So no matter how many times I feel alone on this earth, I lean on this agape love from my Heavenly Father. I look forward to the day when I am welcomed into the Heavenly Home He has prepared for me. Until that day, I will keep my eyes turned upon Jesus and search His will for my life.

Thank You Lord,  for Your love and kinship in Your family.  May You touch each of these precious ladies as they struggle with missing their spouses within their families. Amen

Bonnie is a mother of two awesome daughters who bless her life every day. When she’s not enjoying long walks along the Florida coastline, she is flying through the skies as a flight attendant. Life took a radical change in the spring of 2009 when her husband was diagnosed with stage IV cancer. The walk through that journey was the hardest she had ever walked. How did she make it through? And how is she surviving? The answer is simple. Jesus. His love. His mercy. His grace. He carried her when she was at her lowest.  And Bonnie carried Him in her heart even when she did not understand. He has been faithful in His promises – “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.” (Psalm 68:5) Bonnie has been called by God to share her story through writing and speaking.

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Read more about God as our husbands with Sherry and Ami